


We Can Breathe Again

by DaniJayNel



Category: Canaan (Anime)
Genre: Character Death, F/F, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-17
Updated: 2014-08-17
Packaged: 2018-02-13 13:17:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2152182
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DaniJayNel/pseuds/DaniJayNel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The synesthete rested atop a roof, perched in the corner in wait. She had been given a job by Yuri to find Alphard, that much she knew even though the terrorist's name hadn't been mentioned on that phone call not even a month ago. She sat in wait, to dance the final dance with her former enemy. - Oneshot, slight songfic. Sadly, there is no happy ending here.</p>
            </blockquote>





	We Can Breathe Again

**Author's Note:**

> Hey all ^^ here’s another oneshot by me, inspired by “Broken” by Seether. My sister came up with this idea, and I felt the need to write this story out. This is really sad, though I think it isn’t as sad as I wanted it to be. I don’t think it really qualifies as a sob-out-loud-snot-all-over-the-place story, but it should be quite depressing. I hate sad stories as much as I love them, and though I prefer happy endings, sometimes it’s nice to have your heart break a little. I know that sounds really strange -_- and I wonder if I’m the only one that feels that way? Hmmm. Well, read on and let me know what you think. Thank you for reading ^^ (For those who have read my “Waves” fic, know that I’m just struggling with the plot, which is why it’s taking longer than usual for me to write and update. Hopefully I can iron everything out and continue soon, so hang in there ^^)

_I wanted you to know I love the way you laugh_  
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away  
I keep your photograph, I know it serves me well  
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

The clouds overhead drifted closer, meshing together as the wind picked up and the air grew heavy and gloomy. As more and more clouds joined forces, the sky darkened considerably and the once innocent white puffs turned dark grey in anger. Feeling the change in the air, and noticing the distant flash of lightning, Canaan ran a hand through her hair and blew out a long breath.

The synesthete rested atop a roof, perched in the corner in wait. She had been given a job by Yuri to find Alphard, that much she knew even though the terrorist’s name hadn’t been mentioned on that phone call not even a month ago. Canaan had done some investigating and surprisingly she found the older woman’s whereabouts fairly easily. The fact that it hadn’t taken a lot of violence and persuasion to find where Alphard was made Canaan suspicious. Really suspicious. So much so that the white haired girl kept a constant watch from all corners of the street, darting her eyes to the right, the left, behind her and then in front of her, at all times.

This could so easily be an ambush by her former enemy. Though Canaan no longer felt that desire and need to avenge her deceased mentor and held no more ill feelings, as she once had, towards Alphard, she still didn’t trust the woman. Considering how many times Alphard had tried to kill her.

Canaan still wondered to this day why she had wanted to help Alphard so badly. They had been fighting to the death, but when the terrorist had slipped and started her fall off of the side of the train, Canaan’s mind had gone blank and her body acted of its own accord. She hadn’t been able to just sit stationary and watch as Alphard fell to her death. As hypocritical as that simple desire was, it made her dart forward and catch her, regardless of everything that had happened between them until that point. But Alphard, being Alphard, hadn’t accepted the help, especially since it was being offered by Canaan. The synesthete hoped, selfishly, that Alphard had survived that fall, though it was highly unlikely.

But life had its ways of defying logic, and Canaan received that call. She was insanely relieved, to her dismay, when she was given that mission and her belief that Alphard had survived was confirmed. She also felt an accompanying sadness, because as Alphard had stated, one of them would have to die. There can never be two Canaans.

So there Canaan was, somewhere in the slums of Shanghai, crouched down on some rundown building’s roof. If Canaan’s information was right, then Alphard was situated somewhere in this area, and if she waited long enough then maybe if she was lucky the terrorist would show herself. Canaan had roughed a few Snake soldiers up and given a message to them for Alphard, challenging her. If Alphard accepted, then she would walk down this street.

Canaan shoved her hand in her pants pocket and pulled a battered photograph out, crinkled here and there with a missing edge, and glanced at the picture as she had many times before. It was a picture of Alphard, Yuri had given it to her, that was taken when the terrorist’s new activities were noticed by the authorities. Yuri wanted the whole thing to remain quiet, and so she gave the job to Canaan, knowing how she and Alphard shared so many memories. Maybe Yuri was just being an insensitive jerk, maybe she still had that hope that they would end up killing each other, or maybe she just didn’t care, either way, Canaan was given the job and she was determined to do it.

A few drops plopped down on the dirty concrete at her feet, and then a few seconds later it started to pour. It happened too quickly for Canaan to seek shelter, as if there was even any to find in the first place, so Canaan swiftly returned the picture to its warm nest inside of her pocket and opted to remain perched on the edge of the roof where she could see down both sides of the street.

It was silent, save for the loud patter of the rain on tar, and the area was devoid of any human activity. It was too quiet and too empty, it put Canaan on edge. She had already felt strangely bothered when she had first arrived and positioned herself in her current post.

Was she nervous of meeting Alphard again? What did she even expect? Would Alphard be the same, would she be different, and if so, would it be worse or better? Canaan pictured Alphard as she used to be, with that empty, cold stare and that cocky grin she so loved to flash. She remembered all the times they had fought and every word Alphard had uttered while they bounced back and force in battle, using fists or spraying bullets.

She remembered how, strangely, Alphard had tried to help her in releasing all of that anger and hatred. Maybe Alphard had never wanted to kill her, but fought her because she had to. Canaan had acted like an impulsive temper-head and attacked without much thought.

“Hmmm,” Canaan bit down on the nail of her thumb in thought. She had never really gone down that certain alley of thought. Thinking about it now, Alphard had been given many, many easy opportunities to end Canaan then and there, but instead let her go. “Why?” Canaan asked out loud, wishing Alphard was there to answer her question. Why had she been spared when her temper and blind rage had left her so completely open and vulnerable?

The sky lit up as a bolt of lightning split through the sky, and then a loud roar of thunder sent Canaan’s heart racing. That had struck really close to her.

Water slid down her face in rivulets, dripping from her chin and joining the growing puddle at her feet. A shiver rocked through her body but she ignored it. There was no time to feel cold, this was a serious moment. If Alphard accepted her challenge, then a battle to the death would ensue, and surely only one of them would walk out alive.

Canaan shivered again. “Damnit Alphard, where are you?”  Not even a second after she spoke, Canaan froze upon noticing a shadowy figure walking down the street. The person was shrouded in a fog of rain, due to how heavy it was pouring, but the familiar colour alerted Canaan to exactly who it was. It was Alphard.

The synesthete jumped down from the roof and stood, waiting until Alphard had walked closer and then stopped. They were close enough to see each other’s faces.

Alphard’s colour may not have changed, but the look in her eyes surely had. She seemed utterly and completely defeated. The little bit of life that had once been in her eyes was now completely gone, leaving behind a dull, nearly colourless grey. There were dark circles under her eyes and she seemed to have a permanent stoic frown. The left arm of her coat bellowed about as the wind and rain hit it, reminding Canaan all too vividly that it was the arm Alphard had shot off.

“Canaan,” Alphard called out, her voice sounding as dull as her eyes. The terrorist stood tall, and even though she looked physically exhausted and worn, her body looked more muscular than Canaan remembered. Had Alphard been working out all this time? She truly looked like a weapon now, dull, empty, yet lethal and sharp. Those eyes may have been devoid of emotion or life, but they stared into Canaan’s red eyes with such intensity that the synesthete had to refrain from flinching or shifting her gaze.

Canaan refused to wield to Alphard though, and forced herself to keep the steady gaze.

“Alphard,” Canaan called out in reply. She clenched her hands into fists when she heard the absurd relief in her voice. Why was she so damn relieved to see that Alphard really was alive?

The terrorist walked forward until she stood directly in front of Canaan, never looking away or faltering in her steps. The rain continued to fall around them, soaking them both to the bone. But neither really took notice of their surroundings, they only focused on the person in front of them. This was a fight to the death, anyway.

“You’re here to kill me, aren’t you?” Alphard asked in the same deadpan voice.

“Y-yes.” Canaan stuttered and swallowed. Why was she feeling so shaky all of a sudden? Was it because she hadn’t expected Alphard to have changed like _this_? But really, what had she actually expected? That Alphard would frolic over to her, give her a pat on the back and say that everything was alright and they could be BFF’s? Life never worked out like that. Life was essentially cruel.

Alphard titled her head to the side and regarded Canaan with a slight curious glance. “You don’t sound very committed.” The terrorist pointed out.

Canaan shook her head. “If I wasn’t then I wouldn’t be here.” This time her voice sounded strong, resolute, which is how it should have been. Emotions and feelings weren’t meant for the battlefield, and especially not here and now.

“Are you prepared to fight, Canaan?” Alphard took a single step back. “To fight to the end?” She still kept up with that emotionless expression and dull tone.

“I am.” Canaan reached for her gun. Alphard grinned, showing the first bit of emotion since the loss of her arm. The upwards shift of Alphard’s lips distracted Canaan for a millisecond, allowing Alphard to twist around, remove her coat and throw it into Canaan’s line of sight.

A flashback of the train fight flew through Canaan’s mind.

Alphard took the opportunity and tackled Canaan from below. The synesthete kept her footing, however, making their position seem like an embrace more than anything. Alphard grunted in surprise when they didn’t fall like she had expected, and quickly jumped back to avoid Canaan’s fist.

Canaan pointed her gun and squeezed the trigger. Alphard zigzagged and twirled, dodging each and every bullet with frightening accuracy. She went for Canaan again with a fist instead of her gun, and swung her clenched hand at the younger girl’s stomach. Canaan jumped back and then jumped up, dodging Alphard’s leg as it had swung in a circle under her.

Alphard growled in irritation and tried to grab a hold of Canaan’s shirt, but the synesthete was faster and dodged her hand with ease. Canaan realized that Alphard was trying to pin her down, to bring herself into her personal space like she had every other time they had fought. This time, though, Canaan was focused and her mind was much clearer than it had been during their past fights.

“You’ve gotten better.” Alphard commented as they circled each other, Alphard’s fist raised and Canaan’s gun poised.

“So have you.” Canaan said. Alphard chuckled darkly.

“I had to prepare myself to fight you again, Canaan. You may have gotten better,” Alphard dropped her defensive stance and walked forward, almost welcomingly, towards the now puzzled synesthete. The move caught her off guard, allowing Alphard to grab a fist full of the front of her shirt and back her up until she was pinned firmly against one of the building’s cold brick wall, “but I am still stronger than you. You let your guard down, and now I have you trapped.”

Canaan swallowed hard. How the hell had she allowed Alphard to surprise her like that?

“I’m disappointed, I thought I would at least have some fun before killing you, but this turns out easier than I thought it would be.” Alphard said, and though her tone remained the same dullness as earlier, something flashed in her eyes as she spoke, and Canaan didn’t miss it.

“Then do it.” Canaan looked her pointedly in the eye. “Kill me right now while you have the upper hand.”

Alphard paused and for a second she looked genuinely surprised. She hesitated, allowing Canaan to escape her grip and jump away from the wall.

“This time you let your guard down, Alphard. You don’t want to kill me, do you?” Alphard slowly turned around and sent Canaan a glare so cold that the younger girl shivered.

“Shut up,” Alphard growled in response and clenched her only hand. She clenched her jaw so hard that she thought she heard a crack.

“You’ve never wanted to kill me. Not then, not now, so why?” Canaan asked through the pouring rain and her pounding heart. Alphard stepped away from the wall and gave her another cold glare. “Why the hell do you let me go?” Her emotions leaked out, and Canaan felt her heart jerk. The emotion coiling around in her chest threatened to cloud her vision, but she forced it down, she ignored it. She couldn’t even identify what emotion it was, but it was strong, and looking into Alphard’s once beautiful eyes made it stronger.

 _'Cause I'm broken when I'm open_  
And I don't feel like I am strong enough  
'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome  
And I don't feel right when you're gone away

Alphard didn’t respond, instead she darted forward, a knife suddenly appearing in her hand, and aimed directly for Canaan’s throat. The white haired girl managed to miss the edge of the blade by inches, and stumbled backwards. She only had time to blink before Alphard was attacking again, and the blade slashed across her exposed upper arm.

Canaan hissed in pain and dodged a third swipe, successfully evading a second injury.

Lightning flashed and thunder crackled in the sky, lighting the street up for a second before it once more fell into inky darkness. Night had fallen so suddenly that both fighters had barely even noticed. They danced back and forth, Alphard swinging her knife and Canaan shooting her gun.

They had lost track of the time, of how long they had been fighting, and even of where they were. All Canaan could see was the desperation in Alphard’s eyes, all she could hear were Alphard’s ragged breaths and her own. All that she could feel was the burn in her muscles and in the slight gashes where Alphard had managed to slice her.

“You never answered me!” Canaan managed to yell through her laboured breathing and the heavy thrumming in her chest. “Why do you always let me go?!”

Alphard did a high kick and successfully knocked the gun from Canaan’s hands. She went in for another attack, but Canaan caught her wrist in both hands and used all of her strength to keep the knife from piercing her neck.

“Canaan,” Alphard moved her gaze from her blade and looked into Canaan’s scarlet eyes. Just like that time on the train, Alphard’s eyes suddenly softened and her strength completely waned. Canaan, having been pushing Alphard’s wrist away, ended up pushing the blade forward and away from her. The surprise of Alphard’s hand going slack made Canaan stumble back.

Alphard made no move to stop them or to protect herself.

Canaan landed on her back with a dull thud. The back of her head spiked in pain as it cracked against the concrete. Alphard fell on top of her, on top of the blade that had turned around in the confusion. It pierced through her chest and punctured her lung. Canaan felt the weight of Alphard on top of her, and then her hands were covered in warmth as Alphard’s blood poured out and onto the blade.

“Alphard!” Canaan cried out and quickly turned the terrorist onto her back. The blade stuck out from her chest, heaving up and down with each breath she took.

Alphard chuckled. “I always have to do the work for you, Canaan.” She raised her hand and pulled the knife out.

“What are you doing?!” Canaan yelled.

“Canaan, you came here to kill me, so don’t yell at me for doing your job quicker than you could have.” Alphard replied with a grin. She cringed and then coughed up a large amount of blood. A steady steam drizzled from the side of her mouth, now leaving a red stain as the still pouring rain washed the blood from her skin.

“I-I know but… but…” But? Why was she preparing to argue with her? It was true, she had come here to fight and kill Alphard. So why was she so angry that Alphard had taken that blade to her chest. “Damnit, Alphard, you always do this!” Canaan covered the wound on her chest with both hands and pressed down on it to stop the bleeding. Alphard gasped in pain.

“C-Canaan, what are you doing?” The raven haired terrorist asked in bewilderment. “It’s not like that will help.” She pointed out in a soft voice, finding it increasingly difficult to speak much louder.

“I… I…” Canaan tried to think of what to say, but her mind raced too fast for her to keep up. A cold finger touching her cheek brought her out of her frantic thoughts.

“I always let you go,” Alphard began and cupped Canaan’s cheek in her trembling hand, “because I was hoping you would have set me free. You were the only one who could ever kill me. But you,” Alphard coughed hard and wheezed loudly, her lungs fighting hard to work, “you were just too narrow-minded to beat me. It made me angry. I sought relief that only you could give me, but at that time, you weren’t able to.”

“So you wanted me to kill you? All this time, you wanted me to take your life?” Canaan couldn’t help the anger and pain that washed through her words. Alphard didn’t miss it.

“Come on, Canaan, does that really upset you?” Alphard blinked the water from her eyes and tried to focus on Canaan again. “I died a long time ago, so all this time I’ve been a walking corpse making more corpses as I went. I hated Siam, I hated you, I hated the world, but more than all of that combined, I hated myself.” She grinned bitterly.

Canaan remained silent and watched Alphard’s face. It drained of colour as her blood continued to pour out despite the pressure to the wound. Alphard’s eyes fluttered and then began to close. Her body slackened and she released a long breath.

“No!” Canaan gently shook her shoulders, making Alphard cough and open her eyes again. “Not yet!” She cried out, unable to stop her tears and not understanding why she was crying. “You can’t die yet.” Canaan leaned forward and rested her head against Alphard’s firm stomach. She squeezed her eyes shut and focused on the gentle rise and fall as Alphard breathed. It was irregular, but it was there. “I don’t want you to die, Alphard. I realize that now. I don’t want you to leave me again.”

 _The worst is over now and we can breathe_[ _again_](http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/seether/broken.html) __  
I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away  
There's so much left to learn, and no one left to fight  
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

“Canaan, it’s a little late for that, don’t you think?” Alphard placed her hand atop Canaan’s that hadn’t moved from her wound. “I’m dying. This is the end. And besides,” she gave the hands under hers a gentle squeeze, “I’d probably just end up hurting everyone again. It looks like I can’t be anything other than a damn terrorist.” She chuckled, but her words were filled with sadness.

“No, you can be Alphard. That’s all you need to be, nothing else. Just Alphard.” Canaan said frantically and shook her head.

“Canaan,” Alphard said and waited for her to raise her head. When she did, Canaan saw all the hurt and sadness in those blue eyes. The vacant dullness was gone. It was like the wall Alphard had used to hide herself from the world had broken down, and now she was letting Canaan see her naked and bare. She let all of the emotions in her heart to show in her eyes, giving Canaan a glimpse of the pain she truly felt.

“My arm hasn’t stopped burning from the moment I shot it off. It just seems to ache more each day. My s-soul… h-hurts even w-worse…” Alphard wheezed again and took a few deep, achingly painful breaths, and then continued. “I’m exhausted, I'm tired. I just want it all to end. I’ve wanted nothing more than to just close my eyes and feel peace.” This time Alphard felt foreign tears burn her eyes.

“Alphard…” Canaan’s face contorted with pain and she bit back a sob.

Alphard sat up and moved her hand to the back of Canaan’s neck, where she managed to keep a firm grip and pulled Canaan down to meet her halfway. The synesthete’s eyes widened as Alphard moved towards her, and then she cried even harder when she felt Alphard place a gentle kiss against her forehead. It was so achingly gentle that it cracked the last bit of control that Canaan had.

Alphard tightened her grip and whispered softly against Canaan’s burning hot skin, “thank you for setting me free, Canaan. Thank you,” and then her body went limp and she fell backwards. Her fringe fell across her face covering her eyes and hiding them from Canaan. She pulled Alphard into her arms and sobbed against her neck.

She never wanted to kill her, Alphard had never wanted to kill Canaan, but now the terrorist was gone.

Canaan should have remained emotionless from the start, but she just couldn’t, and now she sobbed uncontrollably as she hugged Alphard’s cold body to her and repeated the same sentence over and over again.

“I never wanted to kill you. I never… wanted to kill you. Alphard…”

 _'Cause I'm broken when I'm open_  
And I don't feel like I am strong enough  
'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome  
And I don't feel right when you're gone away


End file.
